I am a firm believer that life is what you make it to be. For years, I lived in a super chaotic and destructive environment. Internally, I also experienced chaos and destruction. I had a very low sense of self-worth and I did everything I could (consciously and subconsciously) to destroy my life. I blamed the external world for what I was experiencing internally. But what I’ve come to realize is that my internal world was to blame for what I was experiencing externally. The world around me – the world I was living – was a direct reflection of what I was experiencing internally! For the majority of my life I had this all wrong… I was so fixated on blaming everyone and everything but myself when in reality, I was the one responsible for the shittiness that was my life.
Through my journey, I’ve learned to let go of these destructive and negative behaviors. I’ve learned to release my old way of living to make room for a new way – a more positive way. By dropping these behaviors, I’ve learned to embrace life with more love, and in return, life has embraced me back.
If you’re ready to discover a new way of living, I urge you to drop these 10 negative behaviors ASAP:
1. Negative Self-Talk
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never get this right.”
Sound familiar? The way you speak to yourself sets the tone for how you allow others to speak to you. The more hate you speak towards yourself, the easier it becomes to accept hateful words from others. Simply put, the more you disrespect yourself, the more others will disrespect you. Stop with the negative self-talk.
2. The Comparison Game
Compare and despair. That’s right, the more you compare yourself to others, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. Stop playing the comparison game. Learn to be genuinely happy for others, and you will become genuinely happy for yourself. Like Theodore Roosevelt said… “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
3. Debbie Downerism
Debbie is such a downer… Not only does she bring down the people around her, she brings herself down! If you find yourself constantly being a “Debbie Downer”, ask yourself: “How does this behavior serve me?” There’s a reason you’re acting this way – there’s a reason you’ve created a habit out of bringing people (and yourself) down… and that reason is that you believe dampening a situation will make you feel better. But here’s the thing… it actually makes you feel worse. Stop being Debbie.
4. Feeding Fears
Your fears continue to grow because you continue to feed them. Rather than attempting to abolish your fears (they exist, it’s ok), choose to stop feeding them. The more you feed your fears with your belief in them, the bigger they grow. Focus on starving your fears. Don’t give them that power over you!
5. The Blame Game
“They did this to me.”
“They caused me to react this way.”
Barf. No ‘they’ didn’t. You did. You did this to you. You chose to react this way. By placing blame on others, you’re releasing responsibility from your life. When we remove that responsibility, we lose all control of our lives. It’s a horrible, downward spiral that takes away any feeling of empowerment. Stop playing the blame game, it’s not a good look.
6. Dwelling in Negativity
Let’s face it… you will encounter shitty situations in your life. The trick is to not dwell in that shittiness. Sometimes, we get far too comfortable with negativity – so comfortable in fact, that it becomes our ‘norm’. This is why it can be so easy for us to dwell in negativity… because it’s comfortable and familiar. Instead, create a new ‘norm’ – make positivity your new ‘norm’. When negative experiences occur, acknowledge them and then move forward to focus on the positivity in your life.
7. Choosing to Suffer
Oh yes, you read that right. CHOOSING to suffer. Suffering IS a choice. We can choose to suffer, or we can choose to heal. Guess which choice will lead you to a more positive way of living? The next time you catch yourself suffering, make the conscious choice to heal.
8. Making Excuses
If you’re looking for a quick way to move backwards in life, start making excuses. It can almost feel too easy to create an excuse for something… an incomplete project, an unaccomplished goal, being late to a meeting/date, missing a meeting/date, etc. Why does it feel easy? Because owning up to your responsibilities and actions can be intimidating! But if you truly want to move forward, you’ve got to quit making excuses and start taking responsibility. Every excuse you make will take you one step further away from your dreams.
9. Breaking Commitments
Save flakiness for pie crusts. Commitment aren’t made to be broken, and if you find yourself constantly breaking commitments, ask yourself why. What’s holding you back from staying true to your word? What’s keeping you from fulfilling a contract or agreement? When you act in ways that are unfaithful to your word, you’re injuring your integrity. You’re also being completely and utterly dishonest with yourself. Stop being flaky and start owning your commitments. Trust me, integrity feels really freakin’ good.
10. Playing The Victim
I like to call this the “Woe-Is-Me” syndrome, and yes I suffered hugely from this in the past. Want to know what happens when you play the victim? You refrain from taking any sort of responsibility from your life AND you end up feeling worse about yourself. This type of thinking renders you powerless and hopeless. We may not be able to control the actions of others (ie. what people do to you), but we can choose our reactions to their actions. You can also choose to move forward instead of dwelling in that “woe-is-me” mentality. So do yourself a favor… drop the victim role and empower yourself to create positive change in your life.
Are you ready to embrace life and all its’ awesomeness? Drop these negative behaviors and thank me later. Your happiness depends on it.
Ruby Fremon is a Transformational Coach and Reiki Practitioner determined to help others release their toxic patterns and reignite happiness. From living a life of self-destruction to a life of love and positivity, Ruby has created those massive shifts by taking ownership, and harnessing the power of self-love.
Ready to transform your life? Take the first step by committing to a coaching journey with Ruby. Request your FREE consultation here.