This is a special guest post from my amazingly beautiful and authentic friend, Beeps. Raw, honest, and real… This is her story:
My love affair with drugs and alcohol began when I was still a young teen. By the time I was 15 years old, alcohol had become my escape from reality, and drugs helped me mask my emotions. When I talk about my addiction, I don’t think it should be a sob story because no one’s life is easy and I made it out alive.
Most of my high school life was spent living on peoples’ couches or passing out at random parties. My drug use was fast-tracked to escape the fact that I didn’t have a stable environment to call my own. I began school as an honors student and by my last year of high school, I was so far gone into my addiction that I dropped out completely. Bad things happened to me because I was involved with the wrong people – people that could have landed me in jail.
By the time I was 19 years old, I had completely lost my mind. I had become a master of manipulation and had the majority of people fooled about how bad my addiction actually was. I somehow managed to carry jobs throughout my addiction; you could say that I was a “functioning addict”. Even though I was using, I always managed to hustle and make my own money – money that I used to feed my addiction habit. This is the habit that drove me to having a split personality and delusions about what and who was real. The day I realized I hit rock-bottom, I called my mom and told her that I needed help. It was hard to say because my demons caught up to me and the ketamine was destroying my brain.
Rehab taught me a lot. It made me face everything I had been too scared to talk about, and it gave me a sense of comfort. People there understood how I felt, and it gave me the chance to clear my mind in a safe place. But 60 days wasn’t enough time for me to change the deeply entrenched way of life I had grown accustomed to. I was given the skills to deal with my addiction but I wasn’t ready to end my relationship with liquid and pills. I thought that I only had a problem with drugs, not booze, and thus the downward spiral began. Once again, I found myself getting wasted.
It took only 10 months for me to realize that I can’t drink… One shot would lead to 5 shots, and 5 shots would lead to an 8-ball. So I decided to stop because I didn’t want to end up homeless or mentally insane again. I didn’t get sober the conventional way and I haven’t stayed sober the conventional way either. I work in clubs and I am surrounded with what most addicts would call “Triggers.”
Once I took full responsibility for my addiction and my sobriety, I no longer felt tempted around drugs and alcohol. That’s because I am in control of my choices, and I am stronger than any substance
I am blessed because I have lived through highs and lows, and insane situations that would have had me relapsing 4 years ago. Today it’s not even a thought that enters my mind. To be honest with you, my triggers have dissipated, and no matter how sad, broke, angry or even happy I may be, drugs and alcohol aren’t even an option anymore. They no longer have the power to draw me in, and in reality, they do the opposite. Most people in the AA program would say this is how an addict relapses by thinking they are fine and impervious to a fallback.
I know that I am human and that I could always slip up again, so I just continue to count my blessings and remember that I don’t ever want to be controlled by a drug again.
Are you currently battling addiction and seeking a way out? Check out my story to discover the key to overcoming any form of addiction.