Happy. Depressed. Elated. Deflated. Excited. Fearful. Insecure. Exhausted.
That’s how I used to feel in my past relationships. It was as though I was on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. But here’s the thing… I didn’t want that ride to end. In fact, each relationship got progressively worse as I sunk deeper into my addiction with unhealthy relationships. Sound crazy? Well… it’s not. And I know there are a LOT of you out there reading this that understand exactly what I’m talking about.
It’s more than just an attraction to ‘bad-boys’ or ‘rebels’… it’s an attraction to men who feed into your low self-worth. Simply put, it’s an addiction to being treated like absolute shit. I would always sense that something was off, but I never quite understood something was actually wrong. I just assumed that all relationships held it’s share of difficulties. But the problem was that my relationship difficulties thoroughly outweighed the love that those relationships held.
It took me 10 years and 3 awful relationships to finally realize that something was really wrong. The third and final relationship before my realization was the worst; manipulative, emotionally and verbally abusive, and extremely toxic. When that ended, I was left wondering:
“Why do I keep attracting the WRONG men into my life?”
And then this voice inside me spoke up, LOUDLY and with urgency, and said:
“Why do you continue to CHOOSE to be with and STAY with these men?”
It was as if I were hit by a sandbag. Why was I choosing to be with these men? And why would I choose to STAY with them? My last relationship spanned over 4 years and was filled with cheating, lies, manipulation, drugs, and emotional/verbal abuse. But fight after fight, I continued to stay. He would tell me over and over again:
“I’m going to break you!”
and I would just sit there and cry while profusely apologizing to him.
WHAT THE F**K WAS I DOING?!
I’ll tell you what I was doing… I was doing my best to not lose him. Why? Because I thought that this type of love was ALL that I was worthy of. I craved the mistreatment because it was familiar… I found comfort in those hateful environments. I didn’t think I was worthy of a love that didn’t hurt, because I didn’t love myself.
And THAT was my lightbulb moment – the moment that triggered my journey to self-love – the moment that changed my entire life.
I didn’t love myself.
I mean, how do we even learn to love ourselves? I don’t remember that being a class in school… And yet it plays such a vital role in the building of who we are. When we don’t love ourselves, we’ll settle for less than we deserve. If we cannot love who we are, how can we expect others to love us? All love begins within… but for the most of us, we begin that search for love outside of ourselves.
It’s time to make the switch.
STOP searching externally for love. ALL the love you need, is within you. Commit to a relationship with yourself PRIOR to having relationships with others. Commit to a journey of self-love. Get to know who you are, and focus on becoming the person you want to be. LOVE yourself. Because once you do, others will too.
I’m happy to share that I’ve done this… I’ve transitioned from living a life of self-hate, to a life of self-love. Because of this, I’ve attracted the RIGHT person into my life, and I finally now understand what love is REALLY supposed to feel like.
Patient. Kind. Compassionate. Supportive. Happy. Positive. Authentic. Confident.
And above all, real love is a friendship between 2 people; a bond that cannot and NEVER will be broken. I say this with the utmost confidence. Some people may argue telling me that I haven’t been in my marriage long enough to know… but trust me, I know. I’ve been in enough toxic relationships to know and fully understand the difference. I feel different in this relationship because I’ve never once experienced a shadow of a doubt that this isn’t the right relationship for me. I am uber confident and completely secure. Not only did I enter this relationship with a tank full of self-love, I found a partner who embodied the same. And THAT’S what it’s all about… 2 people who were happy and filled with love PRIOR to joining forces.
When you seek out relationships before you are whole, you’re really just finding someone to fill your ‘holes’ which in turn, takes things away from your life. You become dependant on that person, and you allow them to treat you however they please because you don’t know what you deserve. But when you seek out relationships when you’re feeling WHOLE, you’ll find someone who adds to your life. You’ll share a co-creational relationship where each of you treats the other with love and respect, because you KNOW what you deserve and you won’t settle for less.
Love is NOT meant to hurt. It’s not meant to exhaust you.
Love is here to lift you up… to inspire you… to embrace you.
If you’re feeling as though you’re on a rollercoaster in your relationships, I urge you to stop the ride, get off, and make the switch to secure love WITHIN you. I promise you… once you learn to love yourself, the right people will walk into your life, and the right relationships will happen.
Watch this video to learn more about the difference between healthy, and unhealthy relationships.